We Hate You. Buy Me Please.

So this morning as I drank my freshly made apple, celery and watermelon juice (guess who got a juicer for Christmas!) I opened a "women's" magazine and started flicking through the pages.  Now before I go any further I'm going to announce that I do not buy or regularly read this type of magazine.  I read one international magazine regularly for two years but only because I was given a subscription to it - and it was not a "buy it at the checkout" style magazine.  This particular magazine was left at my place by a friend who had dropped by and left it behind.

But out of curiosity I started flicking through the pages of it and I came to the rapid conclusion that these magazines, edited by women, made for women and purchased by women are not a good thing.  In fact I think that these magazines are the passive aggressive frenemy of the "sisterhood".  They hate you.  They want you to hate you.  So that you'll keep buying them to find out what will make you happy and perfect and lovable.  And I'm MAD AS HELL AND NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE.

This is what I saw/read/was subjected to/offended by in the pages of this magazine:

Open magazine:  Berate celebrity woman for having work done.  Turn page. Berate different celebrity woman for looking old.  Turn page.  Berate thin celebrity women in bikinis for being a bag of bones and beg them to eat something.  Turn page. Berate overweight celebrity women for wearing a bikini while she has cellulite.  Turn page.  Recipe for healthy eating (presumably for overweight women in bikinis).  Turn page.  Recipe for decadent dessert (presumably for thin women who need nourishment).  Turn page.  CELEBRATE celebrity dad for "babysitting" his own children in playground and wax philosophically on what an amazing HUMAN he is and how LUCKY his wife is.  Turn page.  Celebrity psychic answering letters from women telling them they will find the right man, or they already have the right man and don't mess it up.  Turn page.  Horoscope.  The only page that isn't actually berating women for not being too thin, too fat, too old, too fake, too single, too married, too career focused, too 1950s housewife.

WHAT. THE. HELL.  I couldn't find one article that celebrated a woman for being good at anything she did!  Is it impossible to find a woman who's doing amazing things that aren't related to her weight?  Aren't there a host of terrific people out there, volunteering in their community, breaking down barriers, doing amazing research, telling great stories, whatever they're choosing to do and doing it well, that are worthy of women (and men) knowing about?  

All I know is, that at the end of reading this "magazine" I completely understand why women are so hard on themselves.  They are constantly being told they are not good enough. By. Other. Women.

I'm here to say, put down the magazine.  Life your life.  Be happy in it and love yourself.  Because these magazines sure as hell don't love you.