I'm gonna state right up front that I'm a flawed human being. I'm prideful, impatient, selfish and frequently mistaken about who won the Melbourne Cup. But I will stand up and cop it when I'm in the wrong. I believe in accountability and I will put my hand up and say "Yep. I was wrong there. I lived in Wrong Town on Wrong Street and lived in Wrongness. My apologies." I'll also fix what's wrong, if it's fixable.
For a long time I allowed myself to cop the blame for the mistakes of others. I figured it worked something along the lines of that "turn the other cheek" saying. But I made myself a promise at the beginning of the year that I would stop doing that, because I make enough mistakes on my own I need to be accountable for without being accountable for others.
So this year I stopped taking the blame for things I did not do. Excuse me, buddy? That there, that right there, that wasn't me, so you can stop looking at me like it was, kay?
So here's a list of things I did and didn't do in 2013 so we're all clear:
I did eat all the chocolate biscuits. I hid them and I ate them all in a fit of rage-eating. Yep that was me. Gained half a kilo and a bucket of shame, but I ate the damn biscuits. You got none. Deal with it.
I joined a weight loss group and lost interest at week 10 of the 12 week plan. I like eating cheese (and chocolate biscuits - see above) and watching tv while laying on the couch. I made a life decision that I will never give up cheese again. I will try and exercise more - but that will also depend on what awesome shows HBO brings out in 2014. I'm not gonna lie about this.
I did break up with a friend this year. Rather than a let a person fade away insignificantly I reached out and told them I was grateful for what they had brought into my life, but our differences in where we were emotionally in our lives meant our relationship was over. We break up with lovers - why not be respectful of this relationship and end it properly?
I did say yes to one too many things this year and consequently did a shoddy half-arsed job on a theatre program. I'm ashamed of this. When you volunteer it should be done with enthusiasm and pride in the job. Thank you for polishing my work, and thank you for giving me an opportunity to do the job again. I will do it with care this time.
I did bitch about a negative person in my life to a friend earlier in the year. I didn't talk with them or give them a chance to explain. I just moaned about it, like a whiny baby, because it was easier than having a difficult talk with someone about their mental illness. I should have been there to offer support. I hope I've made up for it in the second half of the year, because I know the negativity spilling out of them was not their choice.
I did yell at my kids. I got tired, frustrated and mad and I YELLED. Like the really big voice that makes them cringe and me hate myself afterwards. Sorry boys. You know I love your dirty, smelly, loud, bizarre, funny, awesome, stuck-gaming-forever selves.
I did not publicly denigrate an ex. That is NOT cool and I didn't do it. I have more class than that.
I did not spread rumours about your relationship. Sorry, you're not that interesting.
I did not fail in my parental duties because I chose to have a hobby. Parents are allowed to enjoy their own life. My children are happy and healthy, and they have reveled in the independence I have given them and they have learnt valuable lessons about dreams, goals and overcoming your fears by watching my example.
I did not say your partner abused you. Two of your other friends came to me worried about you. All I did was ask if you were okay.
I did not "put my nose in other people's business". You brought your business into my house. You were rude to me and disrepectful. Since then I've been nothing but polite and friendly to you. I'm over your fit of pique. Grow up already.
So there you go. My list of did and did nots. I'll cop to my own failings and my own mistakes, but I won't cop to yours. That's the one New Year's resolution I made at the beginning of the year that I did keep. That one about losing weight and running a half marathon, well, not so much.
