I was once told by a male friend that I was 'too strong'. I asked him to clarify. "You come across as too capable".
I was honestly flabbergasted.
So this is my problem. I am capable, smart, independent and opinionated. This doesn't make me an emotionless automaton. But the few times I have tried to open up to people about how the stresses of life were/are getting me down, taking its toll on me, I get met with 'oh but you'll be fine, you're strong, capable and smart.
SIGH.
Why do I only have to be one or other? Why can't I be both. Sometimes I need someone to lean on, albeit temporarily, until I've regained my strength, energy and enthusiasm.
Right now I'm tired. Tired of the outrage, tired of the hate, tired of the fear that the world seems to pump out relentlessly. I'm tired of single parenting and bearing the burden alone. I'm tired of doing 90% of the housework, tired of being 100% financially responsible for everyone, tired of being overlooked, tired of my goodwill and good nature being taken for granted, tired of the skills I want to nurture being overlooked.
I'm tired, I'm whiny and I just want to cocoon myself away from the world until my energy returns.
But I can't. Because there is no one else to do all the things a single parent has to do. There's no one else to shoulder the emotional burden, the financial burden and there's no one to even celebrate the good things with. I get to do it all on my own.
Today, I'm tired of that. But I can't share that because I'm too capable.
