I had a bad moment with someone on the weekend. A
relationship with a lot of history and one I have no choice but to continue. I
limit this relationship to as few visits as possible and normally make sure
others are around as a buffer zone. But I had no choice but one on one contact
and it went as badly as expected.
I'm not going to discuss their behaviour; but its affect
on me was profound. I let it affect me. Worse I let it affect a really good
relationship I have.
I started off by feeling a little low, then I got a
little anxious. Then I got a lot anxious. Then I had a panic attack. I managed
to calm myself down but for the next day and a half I felt sick to my stomach.
I thought I had conquered the hold anxiety had on me. I
thought I understood that one persons behaviour says more about them
than me. I thought it meant I was immune to letting that negativity in my head. Logic should
always win, right? Wrong.
Now despite talking with my friend and knowing that
everything is ok between us, I'm still sitting here not quite believing it, and
with anxiety nipping at my insides.
