I see a tonne of wonderful quotes I'm sure they attribute to the "they" known in "they say". You know the ones. The life inspiring, life affirming, positive attitude quotes that are designed mostly to make you feel bad for laying on the couch and watching an entire season of True Blood while eating Tim Tams nonstop on a nice sunny day.
The one I see the popping out at me on Pinterest the most is "WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WEREN'T AFRAID". It's always written in a swirly font with the backdrop of an inspiring sunset that makes you sigh and it got me to thinking about what I'd do if I wasn't afraid. That was after I'd thought stop it Pinterest and just show me some great outfits/recipes and funny memes about Harry Potter and Twilight.
1. I'd ride more rollercoasters. I have to admit it I'm always worried that I'll be that .01% that will fall out of the damn ride.
2. I'd ditch someone I don't consider a friend anymore. Yeah that's not nice is it? But the world is messy, my friend and I've truly outgrown this person and the drama that comes with them. But damn it we're friends on facebook too and even though I haven't seen them in real life for 6 months I still feel obliged to stay facebook friends with them.
3. I'd wear more dresses. Back to the shallow. I'm always worried the skirt will flip up and expose the fact that I really like boy leg underwear and not pretty, feminine, lacy underwear. (Hey, the lace scratches okay?)
4. I'd finish writing my novel. Oh c'mon if Stephenie Meyer and EL James can get published....
5. I'd try camel. I've always wanted to try to eat something exotic. But let's not go overboard here. I don't want to eat anything that is raw or that comes from the ocean. Just sayin': there's afraid and there's just plain yucky.
6. *language warning* There's a whole list of people I'd yell F*CK OFF AND THEN F*CK OF SOME MORE AND WHEN YOU GET THERE F*CK OFF FURTHER. IN FACT KEEP F*CKING OFF UNTIL YOU GET BACK HERE AND THEN F*CK OFF AGAIN. They are 4WD drivers who never leave the metro area and drive and park like no other people exist, people who slant their trollies to face the middle of the shopping aisle so you can't get past them, people who talk really loudly on their mobile phones while on public transport and all the Kardashians. Seriously. Just. Go. Away.
7. Tell "Mr Rochester" (I'm changing the name to protect the innocent) that I really, really like him and think we'd be great together. Yep. I'd lay it on the line, put my heart out there for the very possible sting of rejection. In fact I even have a plan for how I'd get him to like me back. There's a big concert at the end of term and he's going to be in it. I thought, if I was in the concert and played really, really well, there's a chance he might fall in love....oh wait no, that's the plot of Love Actually. Damn.
But I get ahead of myself. Maybe I should start with the rollercoasters. If I can last on one of those rides without actually turning green and throwing up I may just be ready to tackle the rest.
What would you do?
Monday, 24 September 2012
Wednesday, 19 September 2012
I wanna hold your hand...
I'm not 17 anymore...in fact I'm not even 40 anymore, but sometimes I still feel like I'm 17. Like right now. Totes. It's because I have a crush on a boy. Okay - scratch that. I have a crush on a man. A manly man. A straight shooting, ambitious, strong, emotional, private, caring man. Having a crush on someone must be the most wonderfully torturous feeling in the world. It's hard to think straight when you're deep in crush. Especially if you happen to be around your crush.
Every look they shoot you, every word they say, every twist of the shoulder, every hand movement becomes significant (well if you're a woman at least!)
I think having a crush is the best feeling in the world. It's full of potential. No reality has set in, every flaw is endearing and life has promise.
Some people (eg my wolf pack) are quite frankly, sick to death of hearing about my crush. One has even gone so far as to say that until I f*ck my crush they don't want to hear his name mentioned ever again. (Should I be crass? Yeah, why not... I'd like to "oblige" my friend in this instance LOL winky emoticon).
The only problem with having a crush is not being able to act on it. Yes, there are various reasons why I can't just say "Hey this is crazy but here's my number so call me maybe". One of those reasons is that's a Carly Rae Jepsen song that's super annoying on the radio at the moment. The other reasons...well that's for me to know!
So at the moment, I can honestly say that my life is pretty fantastic at the moment. Potential and promise, dreams and fantasy are keeping me warm at night (along with Fifty Shades of Grey - yeah I know, tragic but I'm single so cut me some slack!)
So until my crush magically figures out that we would make an awesome couple, fictional characters and some late night daydreams will have to suffice (it's okay if some of them are about Matt LeNevez, right?)
But funnily enough all of the late night daydreams start with simply, just wanting to hold his hand. The good ones don't end there.
Sweet dreams...
Every look they shoot you, every word they say, every twist of the shoulder, every hand movement becomes significant (well if you're a woman at least!)
I think having a crush is the best feeling in the world. It's full of potential. No reality has set in, every flaw is endearing and life has promise.
Some people (eg my wolf pack) are quite frankly, sick to death of hearing about my crush. One has even gone so far as to say that until I f*ck my crush they don't want to hear his name mentioned ever again. (Should I be crass? Yeah, why not... I'd like to "oblige" my friend in this instance LOL winky emoticon).
The only problem with having a crush is not being able to act on it. Yes, there are various reasons why I can't just say "Hey this is crazy but here's my number so call me maybe". One of those reasons is that's a Carly Rae Jepsen song that's super annoying on the radio at the moment. The other reasons...well that's for me to know!
So at the moment, I can honestly say that my life is pretty fantastic at the moment. Potential and promise, dreams and fantasy are keeping me warm at night (along with Fifty Shades of Grey - yeah I know, tragic but I'm single so cut me some slack!)
So until my crush magically figures out that we would make an awesome couple, fictional characters and some late night daydreams will have to suffice (it's okay if some of them are about Matt LeNevez, right?)
But funnily enough all of the late night daydreams start with simply, just wanting to hold his hand. The good ones don't end there.
Sweet dreams...
Friday, 13 April 2012
And it's My Life...by a nose.
I remember 2005 fondly. I had been separated for over a year, but felt extremely positive. I could literally feel that things were coming together.
For starters I was no longer sleeping (well pretending to sleep) in the foetal position. Food no longer tasted like cardboard and scotch no longer tasted like salvation.
Looking back it was the year I grabbed the reins of my life and took control of the horse called My Life.
I went back to school, changed my job, made new friends and returned to a hobby that I loved.
Surely it was onwards and upwards from there on - right? Right?
Well fast forward several years and I was right. Kind of. I got myself a new career, found an amazing circle of friends (still expanding but with the good people still hanging around) and my kids are absolutely amazing, except for when they're being...well, you know...kids.
But along comes 2012 and the horse has stalled. I'm shaking the reins furiously and short of whipping the horse (not something I'm keen on) nothing much is happening. The horse has balked at the jump.
So I sit here now trying to figure out how to get over the hurdle. How do I think outside the square to get the horse moving again. Do I walk the long way around the jump and get behind in "the race" or do I sit and wait for the horse to decide when it's okay to jump?
Part of me is screaming (on the inside) for the horse to just do what I damn well want it to do. The other, more zen-like part of me is wondering if the horse knows something I don't and maybe rushing the jump isn't a good idea.
So I'm stuck in the horse analogy and at life - hanging on to the saddle for dear life and hoping the horse knows what it's doing, because even though I know I'm only the one competing - I'd still like to finish the race, or at least get to the next hurdle.
For starters I was no longer sleeping (well pretending to sleep) in the foetal position. Food no longer tasted like cardboard and scotch no longer tasted like salvation.
Looking back it was the year I grabbed the reins of my life and took control of the horse called My Life.
I went back to school, changed my job, made new friends and returned to a hobby that I loved.
Surely it was onwards and upwards from there on - right? Right?
Well fast forward several years and I was right. Kind of. I got myself a new career, found an amazing circle of friends (still expanding but with the good people still hanging around) and my kids are absolutely amazing, except for when they're being...well, you know...kids.
But along comes 2012 and the horse has stalled. I'm shaking the reins furiously and short of whipping the horse (not something I'm keen on) nothing much is happening. The horse has balked at the jump.
So I sit here now trying to figure out how to get over the hurdle. How do I think outside the square to get the horse moving again. Do I walk the long way around the jump and get behind in "the race" or do I sit and wait for the horse to decide when it's okay to jump?
Part of me is screaming (on the inside) for the horse to just do what I damn well want it to do. The other, more zen-like part of me is wondering if the horse knows something I don't and maybe rushing the jump isn't a good idea.
So I'm stuck in the horse analogy and at life - hanging on to the saddle for dear life and hoping the horse knows what it's doing, because even though I know I'm only the one competing - I'd still like to finish the race, or at least get to the next hurdle.
Saturday, 4 February 2012
Oh no you didn't...
I recently had a night out with some great girlfriends. We drove a couple of hours away from the city and spent the night in a lovely, little country pub. The night started with tonnes of laughs on the drive up and capped off by a beautiful dinner in a quaint restaurant in the middle of nowhere. .
We then moved on to a big country pub where we met up with a few more friends. Hilariously, karaoke was the speciality of the night. With a few bevies under the belt for a bit of dutch courage, nearly everyone in the group got up and showed off the inner rock star. With voices ranging from "I can barely hold a tune" to "Holy crap you should try out for a reality singing competition tv show" everyone was having a barrel of laughs.
Lots of dancing was going on, both during and in between perfomances. Tonnes of laughs and funny stories shared, new friends made and old friends bumped into.
It was an eclectic bunch of people from all walks of life and all ages that ended up being crowded into the little back bar in an Aussie country town. No one was overly concerned that their hair wasn't perfect, their make up had slid down their face slightly and they had a slight sheen of sweat from dancing in the pub where the airconditioner struggled to keep the place cool. This wasn't a hip, trendy little boho bar full of posers taking photos with their smartphones and pulling duck faces thinking it looked sexy (which, by the way, doesn't). If you went to the loo it was to pee, not to re-do your face so you look photoshop perfect for your upcoming facebook status.
This was unpretentious pub with a front bar full of old men who have sat on the same stool for 40 years, a dining room where you could a get a decent feed, families spilling onto the sidewalk with the kids running around with red, hot, happy faces and a little space out the back for wanna-be rock stars.
All in all the night had been a total hoot and one to remember with great one liners, moves like Jagger, and a brilliantly off-key rendition of Paradise by the Dashboard Light sung with gusto by a much loved up and very cute younger couple.
It was 20 minutes to closing and the bartender had yelled last drinks and the lights were slowly coming up when it happened. It may sound like nothing to you but it's exactly what pisses me off about going out.
I felt an arm close around my body and a sweaty armpit press up against my side. The gesture was incredibly familiar. The way I was being touched is the way I would expect only a partner, family member or very close friend to touch me. I turned to look into the eyes of a complete stranger. A drunk, sweaty man who grinned self-assuredly at me. I raised an eyebrow in haughty disbelief. He loosened his hold a little but still kept his unwanted arm around me. I moved away and turned my face away from him. To me, a clear sign he could move on and leave me be. But no, that wasn't to be. He then asked if he could buy me a drink. I looked him directly in the eyes and said in a calm but firm voice "no thank you". He said "Hey I came over here to chat you up. You look like a 'friendly' girl to me." The emphasis on 'friendly' and his tone clearly indicated that what he really thought was 'easy'. His body language and tone made it clear he thought he was doing me a favour by talking to me. I replied "Well. Appearances can be deceiving can't they?" My tone clearly indicated that his attentions were unwelcome. I won't go into details about the dead end conversation that followed, but I eventually made it clear that I wasn't interested and he moved away and bitched to his friend that I was a stuck up whore. Nice.
I don't have many rules in my life - but manners are one of them. Oh yeah these two are pretty important to me as well.
Rule No.1 Don't approach me at closing time. I've been there all night, you had plenty of time to get to know me during the evening and discover I'm not a girl with low self-esteem waiting for you to arrive just before midnight and make my night.
Rule No.2 Don't touch me unless I've said it's okay. I appreciate that people may differ on this one. But for me, getting up in my personal space and touching me with familiarity is NOT okay unless I know you really well.
When you break these rules (or simple manners as I prefer to think of them) you're telling me you have no respect for me as a person. You're telling me all you want is a one night, no questions asked, get up in the morning, never see you again encounter. And I'm not okay with that. Because I wasn't put on this earth to be your one night play thing. So treat me with respect thanks. That's all I'm asking.
We then moved on to a big country pub where we met up with a few more friends. Hilariously, karaoke was the speciality of the night. With a few bevies under the belt for a bit of dutch courage, nearly everyone in the group got up and showed off the inner rock star. With voices ranging from "I can barely hold a tune" to "Holy crap you should try out for a reality singing competition tv show" everyone was having a barrel of laughs.
Lots of dancing was going on, both during and in between perfomances. Tonnes of laughs and funny stories shared, new friends made and old friends bumped into.
It was an eclectic bunch of people from all walks of life and all ages that ended up being crowded into the little back bar in an Aussie country town. No one was overly concerned that their hair wasn't perfect, their make up had slid down their face slightly and they had a slight sheen of sweat from dancing in the pub where the airconditioner struggled to keep the place cool. This wasn't a hip, trendy little boho bar full of posers taking photos with their smartphones and pulling duck faces thinking it looked sexy (which, by the way, doesn't). If you went to the loo it was to pee, not to re-do your face so you look photoshop perfect for your upcoming facebook status.
This was unpretentious pub with a front bar full of old men who have sat on the same stool for 40 years, a dining room where you could a get a decent feed, families spilling onto the sidewalk with the kids running around with red, hot, happy faces and a little space out the back for wanna-be rock stars.
All in all the night had been a total hoot and one to remember with great one liners, moves like Jagger, and a brilliantly off-key rendition of Paradise by the Dashboard Light sung with gusto by a much loved up and very cute younger couple.
It was 20 minutes to closing and the bartender had yelled last drinks and the lights were slowly coming up when it happened. It may sound like nothing to you but it's exactly what pisses me off about going out.
I felt an arm close around my body and a sweaty armpit press up against my side. The gesture was incredibly familiar. The way I was being touched is the way I would expect only a partner, family member or very close friend to touch me. I turned to look into the eyes of a complete stranger. A drunk, sweaty man who grinned self-assuredly at me. I raised an eyebrow in haughty disbelief. He loosened his hold a little but still kept his unwanted arm around me. I moved away and turned my face away from him. To me, a clear sign he could move on and leave me be. But no, that wasn't to be. He then asked if he could buy me a drink. I looked him directly in the eyes and said in a calm but firm voice "no thank you". He said "Hey I came over here to chat you up. You look like a 'friendly' girl to me." The emphasis on 'friendly' and his tone clearly indicated that what he really thought was 'easy'. His body language and tone made it clear he thought he was doing me a favour by talking to me. I replied "Well. Appearances can be deceiving can't they?" My tone clearly indicated that his attentions were unwelcome. I won't go into details about the dead end conversation that followed, but I eventually made it clear that I wasn't interested and he moved away and bitched to his friend that I was a stuck up whore. Nice.
I don't have many rules in my life - but manners are one of them. Oh yeah these two are pretty important to me as well.
Rule No.1 Don't approach me at closing time. I've been there all night, you had plenty of time to get to know me during the evening and discover I'm not a girl with low self-esteem waiting for you to arrive just before midnight and make my night.
Rule No.2 Don't touch me unless I've said it's okay. I appreciate that people may differ on this one. But for me, getting up in my personal space and touching me with familiarity is NOT okay unless I know you really well.
When you break these rules (or simple manners as I prefer to think of them) you're telling me you have no respect for me as a person. You're telling me all you want is a one night, no questions asked, get up in the morning, never see you again encounter. And I'm not okay with that. Because I wasn't put on this earth to be your one night play thing. So treat me with respect thanks. That's all I'm asking.
Monday, 9 January 2012
It's not about you
Sometimes the people around you forget that the difficult time you're going through is not happening to them. They get so emotionally invested in whatever "challenge" you're facing that it becomes about them and how they feel about it. What's worse is when you point out that this challenge is yours to face they act like you've got no idea what they're going through. (Hot tip here for emotional vampires - you're not going through it. I am.)
Well guess what. I'm not here to help you get through MY trauma. Damn it. I'm mad. When I got divorced, it was hijacked by a particular person in my life. Lets call them A. A's friends were sending her flowers because I was getting divorced and it was so hard on HER. Never mind that I couldn't sleep, eat, think or function, lost 30 kilos and became dangerously malnourished, suffered panic attacks that required medication. She felt sad about it and needed extra support. (Munchausen Syndrome anyone???)
I'm now going through another challenging time. And A is at it again. Hijacking my trauma and making it about them. It's gobsmackingly awful. On top of the challenge I'm facing A is accusing me of not caring enough to do anything about the trauma and that they are the only ones who truly care. As. If. (Just because I don't throw crockery at the walls does not mean I don't care - it means I can't afford new crockery.)
I'm dealing with my challenge in the most practical and responsible way available to me. I have sought and received expert help and am proceeding according to the experts advice. However A has assured me that the experts have it wrong and that only A knows how to handle it. Despite A never having even remotely coming close to knowing what this challenge is about. But hell, what do I know, I'm just living it.
In 2011 I came to the realisation that there was someone in my life, who shouldn't be, who still found a way to emotionally abuse and manipulate me. I put an end to my part in that relationship. Unfortunately, the situation escalated because the other person involved is not happy that I will not tolerate the abuse anymore.
I realised that A is doing the same in some respects. But in 2012 I'm not accepting that behaviour from anyone anymore and I stood up to A. It was difficult. It was horrible. The situation has escalated into a horrible fight. So I'm dealing with challenge upon challenge at the moment.
Yet I remain positive, because in among the challenges that I'm facing I'm finding a strength in the face of adversity I didn't know I was capable of feeling. (I wonder how Wonder Woman's bracelets would look on my wrists? Pretty effing awesome I reckon...)
Don't hijack my drama because you have none. Bloody be grateful you don't have any. And leave me to deal with mine the way I want to or for chrissakes get an effing hobby. This is my journey, my drama, my choice, my mistake to make, my triumph to celebrate - because this is MY life.
Well guess what. I'm not here to help you get through MY trauma. Damn it. I'm mad. When I got divorced, it was hijacked by a particular person in my life. Lets call them A. A's friends were sending her flowers because I was getting divorced and it was so hard on HER. Never mind that I couldn't sleep, eat, think or function, lost 30 kilos and became dangerously malnourished, suffered panic attacks that required medication. She felt sad about it and needed extra support. (Munchausen Syndrome anyone???)
I'm now going through another challenging time. And A is at it again. Hijacking my trauma and making it about them. It's gobsmackingly awful. On top of the challenge I'm facing A is accusing me of not caring enough to do anything about the trauma and that they are the only ones who truly care. As. If. (Just because I don't throw crockery at the walls does not mean I don't care - it means I can't afford new crockery.)
I'm dealing with my challenge in the most practical and responsible way available to me. I have sought and received expert help and am proceeding according to the experts advice. However A has assured me that the experts have it wrong and that only A knows how to handle it. Despite A never having even remotely coming close to knowing what this challenge is about. But hell, what do I know, I'm just living it.
In 2011 I came to the realisation that there was someone in my life, who shouldn't be, who still found a way to emotionally abuse and manipulate me. I put an end to my part in that relationship. Unfortunately, the situation escalated because the other person involved is not happy that I will not tolerate the abuse anymore.
I realised that A is doing the same in some respects. But in 2012 I'm not accepting that behaviour from anyone anymore and I stood up to A. It was difficult. It was horrible. The situation has escalated into a horrible fight. So I'm dealing with challenge upon challenge at the moment.
Yet I remain positive, because in among the challenges that I'm facing I'm finding a strength in the face of adversity I didn't know I was capable of feeling. (I wonder how Wonder Woman's bracelets would look on my wrists? Pretty effing awesome I reckon...)
Don't hijack my drama because you have none. Bloody be grateful you don't have any. And leave me to deal with mine the way I want to or for chrissakes get an effing hobby. This is my journey, my drama, my choice, my mistake to make, my triumph to celebrate - because this is MY life.
Saturday, 19 November 2011
Behind Enemy Lines
Christmas is always a difficult holiday. It involves family. The stress of a holiday and family together often brings out the worst in people. It's worse if you're divorced.
My Ex and I have always had a gentlemen's agreement when it comes to Christmas. We try and make sure that each year one of us has breakfast and lunch with the kidlets and the other late afternoon and dinner. There's always arguments.
Both sides of the family end up unhappy. Each family feels hard done by. Each family feels the other gets the better deal. Each family thinks the other parent is the "grinch who stole Christmas" from them.
I'm here to say otherwise. As a person - one of the values I hold highest is family. Therefore I couldn't hurt my childrens "other" family. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if my motive was to hurt them, because by hurting them - I hurt my kids. I didn't suffer through 9 months of morning sickness and truly horrendous labours to inflict pain on to my kids.
Each family involved in this Christmas dispute has their own perspective. One side believes the other is hardly involved in the kids life so don't deserve them on this special holiday. One side believes the kids are monopolised by the other side and therefore never get a look in.
I'm stuck in the middle. I believe my kids should be able to see both sides of the family. I believe it takes cooperation and understanding. I believe clear enough communication early on means it's possible to keep everyone happy. Unfortunately not everyone shares this view. And this is when avoidable situations and arguments occur.
The reality is that divorce is painful. The reality is that no person is evil. The reality is that everyone at some stage misses out on important stuff that a "traditional, nuclear" family probably don't miss out on.
The reality is that a divorced family and the extended families involved will never be "complete". It sucks. It sucks most of all for the kids who love everybody and shouldn't be shamed or guilted into feeling that one side of the family is better than the other.
The worst part in all this drama is that it's so far from the spirit of Christmas that this time of year does nothing for me except cause extreme anxiety and heartache. What was once my favourite holiday in the whole world is now something ugly and spiteful laced with emotional manipulation and name calling. I now just long for Christmas to be over so it can be put behind me.
I hope to god that the anxiety and heartache I feel is well hidden from my kidlets, because I want them to enjoy this day. I want them to grow up with same sense of excitement and wonder I always felt - even as an adult. It's been 7 years since I've enjoyed Christmas and I hope to one day enjoy it again.
I'd like to feel "peace on earth and mercy mild", with "God and sinners reconciled".
So this Christmas, please, remember to be grateful for your family - no matter how erratic, hare-brained, annoying, loud, patronising or obnoxious they may be. Because - trust me - you don't want to be dealing with your ex-family, arguing over who gets to spend Christmas with the kids.
My Ex and I have always had a gentlemen's agreement when it comes to Christmas. We try and make sure that each year one of us has breakfast and lunch with the kidlets and the other late afternoon and dinner. There's always arguments.
Both sides of the family end up unhappy. Each family feels hard done by. Each family feels the other gets the better deal. Each family thinks the other parent is the "grinch who stole Christmas" from them.
I'm here to say otherwise. As a person - one of the values I hold highest is family. Therefore I couldn't hurt my childrens "other" family. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if my motive was to hurt them, because by hurting them - I hurt my kids. I didn't suffer through 9 months of morning sickness and truly horrendous labours to inflict pain on to my kids.
Each family involved in this Christmas dispute has their own perspective. One side believes the other is hardly involved in the kids life so don't deserve them on this special holiday. One side believes the kids are monopolised by the other side and therefore never get a look in.
I'm stuck in the middle. I believe my kids should be able to see both sides of the family. I believe it takes cooperation and understanding. I believe clear enough communication early on means it's possible to keep everyone happy. Unfortunately not everyone shares this view. And this is when avoidable situations and arguments occur.
The reality is that divorce is painful. The reality is that no person is evil. The reality is that everyone at some stage misses out on important stuff that a "traditional, nuclear" family probably don't miss out on.
The reality is that a divorced family and the extended families involved will never be "complete". It sucks. It sucks most of all for the kids who love everybody and shouldn't be shamed or guilted into feeling that one side of the family is better than the other.
The worst part in all this drama is that it's so far from the spirit of Christmas that this time of year does nothing for me except cause extreme anxiety and heartache. What was once my favourite holiday in the whole world is now something ugly and spiteful laced with emotional manipulation and name calling. I now just long for Christmas to be over so it can be put behind me.
I hope to god that the anxiety and heartache I feel is well hidden from my kidlets, because I want them to enjoy this day. I want them to grow up with same sense of excitement and wonder I always felt - even as an adult. It's been 7 years since I've enjoyed Christmas and I hope to one day enjoy it again.
I'd like to feel "peace on earth and mercy mild", with "God and sinners reconciled".
So this Christmas, please, remember to be grateful for your family - no matter how erratic, hare-brained, annoying, loud, patronising or obnoxious they may be. Because - trust me - you don't want to be dealing with your ex-family, arguing over who gets to spend Christmas with the kids.
Sunday, 23 October 2011
You can't always get what you want...
And maybe, just maybe that's a good thing.
I'm watching the women around me fall one by one. I wish I could say falling in love but I can't. I'm watching their descent into madness. They are all turning into modern day Ophelia's due to their particular Hamlet's torture.
It's particularly frustrating because they're all intelligent women. But it seems the moment Hamlet turns up spouting To Be Or Not To Be (in a relationship) they all start acting like Helena Bonham-Carter at her most crazy.
Why is this question so hard? Why does it drive women to the brink? Why do men seem to find the question so difficult? Surely you either do want to be in one or you don't. If you do, tell the girl. If you don't, tell the girl. Trust me. We can handle that. It's the dithering back and forth that turns us into over-analytical lunatics. All we want to know is are you in or out? It's not difficult at all.
Why are men so scared to say the truth? I know, from personal experience, that hearing "I don't know what I want" was harder than learning the truth. Actually, I never heard the truth. I got tired of what "I don't know what I want" was doing to me. So after months of hearing that - I made the decision to end things. It was hard, there were tears. But I stood in front of the man I (at that point) still loved and said THIS. IS OVER. I did it because I wanted my sanity back. I wanted my self-respect back. I wanted me back.
I'm watching three women in my life, all dating "nice" guys. I've met them. They're charming. They're intelligent. They're employed. They're ambitious. They're fun to be around. But all of them are running scared and the women are going crazy trying to guess the truth. I'm currently involved in three separate discussions all titled "What do you think he meant when he said...."
Now I'm not saying the women are right and the men are wrong. I'm just saying I don't understand the game. To me hearing "I don't know" from a man means "I don't know how to tell you I don't want to be in a relationship but I'm scared you'll make a scene if I say so".
I do know this. I'm not wasting time on any "I don't knows" because I do know what I want and I intend to have it. A happy life.
I'm watching the women around me fall one by one. I wish I could say falling in love but I can't. I'm watching their descent into madness. They are all turning into modern day Ophelia's due to their particular Hamlet's torture.
It's particularly frustrating because they're all intelligent women. But it seems the moment Hamlet turns up spouting To Be Or Not To Be (in a relationship) they all start acting like Helena Bonham-Carter at her most crazy.
Why is this question so hard? Why does it drive women to the brink? Why do men seem to find the question so difficult? Surely you either do want to be in one or you don't. If you do, tell the girl. If you don't, tell the girl. Trust me. We can handle that. It's the dithering back and forth that turns us into over-analytical lunatics. All we want to know is are you in or out? It's not difficult at all.
Why are men so scared to say the truth? I know, from personal experience, that hearing "I don't know what I want" was harder than learning the truth. Actually, I never heard the truth. I got tired of what "I don't know what I want" was doing to me. So after months of hearing that - I made the decision to end things. It was hard, there were tears. But I stood in front of the man I (at that point) still loved and said THIS. IS OVER. I did it because I wanted my sanity back. I wanted my self-respect back. I wanted me back.
I'm watching three women in my life, all dating "nice" guys. I've met them. They're charming. They're intelligent. They're employed. They're ambitious. They're fun to be around. But all of them are running scared and the women are going crazy trying to guess the truth. I'm currently involved in three separate discussions all titled "What do you think he meant when he said...."
Now I'm not saying the women are right and the men are wrong. I'm just saying I don't understand the game. To me hearing "I don't know" from a man means "I don't know how to tell you I don't want to be in a relationship but I'm scared you'll make a scene if I say so".
I do know this. I'm not wasting time on any "I don't knows" because I do know what I want and I intend to have it. A happy life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)