So, there's one of those posts going around on facebook at the moment which makes me want fill people's feeds with a facebook rant...oh wait I have a blog for that.
This is what it says "Anyone can call themselves a parent, but a REAL parent puts their children's lives before their own selfish needs and wants".
OH FFS. GET REAL PEOPLE. This is just one of those Judgy McJudgster from Judgeville posts that is judgemental and designed to make other people feel bad. Why do you want to do that?
First of all, by it's very definition a NEED isn't selfish.
I NEED air, water, food, shelter. How is that selfish and how does that make me a bad parent?
I NEED to work. I'm a single parent. If I don't work, I don't get the food, water, shelter part of my first need. How is that selfish and how does that make me a bad parent?
Oh that's right it's NOT and it DOESN'T.
Secondly, wanting things isn't selfish. You are ALLOWED to want things. It doesn't mean you always get them - but it is NOT bad parenting to want things.
I want a job I love. I'm lucky I have one. It's not selfish of me nor does it make me a bad parent to aim to have this. If you don't currently have this yourself and WANT this for yourself, it doesn't make you a bad parent. You know what it is - it's GOOD. It teaches your children about determination, hard work and the satisfaction of a job well done.
I want friends in my life. It's not selfish of me, nor does it make me a bad parent to have them. I'm lucky. I have many good friends. You know what it is - it's GOOD. It teaches my children that I value different people, with different lives, different experiences and it teaches them that I am a person OUTSIDE of "mum".
I want hobbies in my life. It's not selfish of me, nor does it make me a bad parent to have them. I'm lucky. I have a great hobby. It's musical theatre. You know what it is - it's GOOD. It teaches my children about creative expression, belonging to a team, working together and being part of a community.
I want to live in my own house and be financially secure. It's not selfish of me, nor does it make me a bad parent. I have neither. I'm renting and my job (which I love) is "casual". I work every day of the week, but I'm a casual employee. I'm working towards making it full time and I'm saving my hardest to one day have enough to put a deposit on a house. You know what it is - it's GOOD. It teaches my kids that you can't always get what you want - but that it's okay to keep trying and it's good to work towards goals.
Do my kids sometimes have to sit in a cafe while I catch up with my friends? Yes. They do. They learn about manners, they learn about appropriate behaviour in social situations, they learn about the give and take of friendships.
Do my kids sometimes have to attend rehearsals while I'm doing a show? Yes. They do. They learn that chasing dreams does NOT have an age limit. They learn that being passionate about something in life fills up your emotional cup (so to speak) which then allows you to fill others.
Do my kids sometimes see me scratch my head and get stressed about how to pay the bills? Do my kids see me budget and say no to things because I can't afford them? Yes. They do. They learn to live within their means. They learn financial responsibility. They learn money doesn't grow on trees. They learn that you have to earn the money to pay the bills and that sometimes you have to go without. They learn delayed gratification.
Do I work my arse off to give them the best education I can? Yes. Do I make sure they have extracurricular activities outside school that they can enjoy? Yes. Do I make sure they catch up with friends and family so they can value those relationships? Yes. Do I make sure they are fed, clothed, cleaned and sufficiently rested to stay healthy? Yes.
Do I give my kids everything they want at my expense? HELL NO. What the hell would that teach them? It would give them a sense of entitlement they shouldn't have. It would teach them that they are the centre of the universe and they're not. They are two people on a planet with over 7 billion other people. If I did that I would be raising two of the most selfish, arrogant, egotistical, ill-mannered, boring poopyholes to roam the earth. THAT'S BAD PARENTING.
I want to raise compassionate, empathetic, reasonable, logical, kind, passionate, loyal, loving, considerate men. That starts with me showing them about life with all its needs and wants - and I can't do that if I don't have one.
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